From Holme Moss on a butchers bike......

So it's done, nearly 4 and half years after I inched up the nearest climb to my house, Holme Moss, with my trusty Trek FX hybrid, complete with baggy shorts rack and a pannier. Little did I know that Mr Simon Warrens masterpiece of a book would lead to John O Groats to Land's End, the Etape du Tour, Ireland end to end, over £20k raised for charity and 6 inches off my waistline!


It all started when I read an article in the now defunct (and much missed) Cycling Active magazine about one of the female contributors joining a trip up the Cat n Fiddle making much reference to this little book with 100 of the toughest climbs in the UK. A quick google later and 8 quid or so for the book to be delivered was to be the best £8 I've ever spent. (although it wouldn't be the end of the spending by the end of the project...see below!)


I had driven over Holme Moss numerous times before but with a steady 5/10 score in the book I asked myself how hard could it actually be?! What Simon doesn't address in the book is the 3 miles of climbing you have to do to get to the bottom of the climb! by the time I'd rolled through Holme Bridge I was asking myself what was I doing this for?! It's madness! A big drink and a brave pill and it was off to try and conquer number 1. I think things would have been different if I had unclipped about 750 meters from the top on the unrelenting straight pull as my legs and lungs were desperately telling me to, but fearing failure at the first hurdle my bloody mindedness  wouldn't let me and I topped out with the snow banked either side sucking in huge lungfulls of air.


 The first and most important lesson had been learnt, that hill climbing is all mental. In Simon's second book he mentions the "pain cave" and while he is somewhat of an elite rider and mentions it in connection to hill climb racing, for us mere mortals it's the difference between knowing you can cope with the unpleasantness, that the disappointment of giving up and getting off is way worse than the burning legs and rasping lungs, and it will end at some point. It always ends!


And so it snowballed. Jackson Bridge and Pea Royd Lane were easily accessible from the house and at 7/10 and 8/10 gave me more confidence to say I could do the harder ones if I lost a bit of weight and maybe got another bike........


£250 and a second hand e-bay special Specialized was mine, I had been to Decathlon and bought my first pair of bib shorts with matching top and was well and truly on the slippery slope to MAMIL dom!


I have had an unfair advantage in getting all the climbs done as because of my job I travel all over the country and the bike and the book became my constant companion in the car as I was able to tick off climbs steadily over the first year or so, all the while looking out an opportunity to get another one ticked off. The first I was able to do with some friends was on our annual trip away as I took Kieran, Declan and Frankie over Llangynidr Mountain (incidentally the last climb Dec got over before me. Just saying.....) but most of the time it was just me, the hill and the demons in my head to get over....


Following an incident on the Specialized coming down from Curbar Edge when the rear mech snapped and wedged into the rear wheel at 35mph meant a 3rd bike was added to the ones used to do the 100 with my lovely Trek given a baptism of fire climbing Chapel Fell in Durham and recording my highest top speed of 57mph on the way down. It also coincided with my mam's death on 1st April 2014. As the fell above Crawleyside was one of her favourite places, that's where we decided to scatter her ashes. As such, every year I now ride out from my dads house in Willington and climb Crawlyside to meet my dad on the moor then down to the Dales centre for lunch. It makes a poignant day bearable and I hope to be crawling up Crawleyside bank for many years to come to spend some time with my mam.


Now plotting the route for JOGLE I couldn't do the route without trying to crowbar a couple in so it was up Jubilee tower and through the Trough of Bowland as well as a detour through Dartmoor up Haytor Vale as additions to the route, even though I had done them both before. There seemed to be a few more demons about with 15kg of panniers and 1000 miles in the legs....!


As time had gone on I was getting fitter and fitter, losing a bit of weight, but I had been shying away form the 10/10 monsters in the book. The talk with Declan, Michael and Mark on doing the Etape had been going on for a while so it was time for the talking to stop and we paid our 100 euros (told you that £8 was going to escalate!) entered and training was embarked upon. A 4th bike was added to the list as a very tired Dawes Giro 300 was pressed into service as the winter mule to get the miles in and to help with the train hard, race easy method. Hauling it's not inconsiderable bulk up monsters like Park Rash certainly helped!


Finally we'd got to the last 3. Wrynose, Hardknott and Bealach na Ba. Nothing like leaving the meat until last! Planning a weekend trip to do Hardknott and Wyrnose I was really nervous about both. And I was right to be. Hardknott is by far the hardest in the book by a factor of 2! With my heartbeat over 190 it was the closest I'd come to getting off since I had a comedy get off on the horrible cobbles of the Shibden Wall. Back to the mental struggle and as always it did end and I'd got up it. At 3.7mph average speed....In contrast Wrynose was pretty ok and it was 99 not out!


The trip to Bealach na Ba to complete the 100 this weekend was epic in all regards. The 1000 mile round trip, the climb, the scenery, the weather and the other 60 miles of the loop we did was a truly fitting end. A big thank you to Mark for coming with me and having the good grace to bugger off on the horrible straight bit before the hairpins to let me become a bit emosh about it all before I pulled myself together to get to the top. It was never in doubt!


I can't thank Simon Warren enough for the inspiration that the book has brought me. The fact that I may even get a little gold coloured 100 climbs badge has led to endless ribbing by Andrea and the kids, but I think they know deep down how much it will mean to me. Pathetic I know, but it will! I think I've learnt a lot about myself during the last 4 years, the isolation and solitude helping my mental health massively and I've come to relish that burn and sense of achievement that climbing  ruddy great hill gives you! Thanks also to me mates who have variously put up with me dragging them places that they didn't particularly want to go both physically and mentally! That's you Frankie and Declan O'Brien, Kieran Campbell, Conleth Kelly, Mark Noble, Michael Timmins and Stuart Grainger!


Some Lists cos I'm a bloke:


Hardest:


1. Hardknott
2. Shibden Wall
3. Rowsley Bar (6/10????!!!!!!)


Best:


1. Mennock Pass
2. Crawleyside
3=Belach na Ba
3=Honister


Climbed most


1. Mennock Pass (I stop at Abingdon every time I go to Scotland
2. Holme Moss
3. Crawleyside


As to what I'm going to do next, well it would be rude not to take Simon up on his offer to another 100 greatest cycling climbs......


It always ends.............